A Sister's Perspective

Some may call it writers block, I'm just calling it a change up. This week our guest bloggers are Lindsay and Kelsey, Brandon's sisters. My focus and energy has 100% been on Brandon and I sometimes forget how this is effecting our family members around us. Having so many siblings between the two of us is truly a blessing. We have constant support and help 24/7. So thank you Laura, Mike, Tony, Meg, Liz, Bryan, Peter, Laura, Katie, Ed, Lindsay, Alistair, and Kelsey, you are our rocks.

Lindsay .......
When I found out my brother, Brandon, had cancer I was sitting at home anxiously awaiting the text of the results. I had a gut feeling it was indeed cancer considering the doctors were 70% sure but i kept telling myself this cant be. A single word text came through to me as soon as they found out..."malignant" and from that moment on everything changed. The strange thing though is that while my world and our family’s world came crashing down at that moment, I didnt for a second think this was something he couldn't beat. Despite the flood of tears running down my cheeks I knew i had to be strong for not only him but for our family. Staying positive and spending every free moment over at my Brothers to keep his mind off of the diagnosis became my main focus. I knew Brener & Carter could always make him smile so we spent every night over there for the days thereafter till a course of action was decided upon. I just kept telling myself that everything is going to be ok...it had to be.
Despite staying positive, the mind has a horrible way of telling you otherwise but I didn't lose focus. Of course my emotions got the best of me at times, I had breakdowns, I lost sleep, I couldn't eat, I felt numb, afraid, angry and above all a bit selfish. How could i feel this bad when this isn't even happening to me. Im not the one with the disease, my brother is, I cant imagine what he must be feeling? Then comes the thought of am I next? is this something I need to be tested for? From a family with little history of health problems to all of a sudden having a sibling with cancer just frightened me to death. I have 2 small boys they need their mommy. I couldn't let my fears get the best of me I had to take care of myself or what good would I be to not only my own family but my entire family. When the cycle of hospital trips and chemotherapy started is when reality set in. The port could been seen in my brother's chest, his normally charismatic demeanor faded, his hair began to fall out as well as his eyelashes, and his energy depleted. I think that is the part that hurts me the most is seeing him in that frail state and knowing that this is something you can't fix. How can something so good be so bad, this is chemo. Despite the harshness of these drugs Brandon took them very well. His body responded well and things are looking good all the more to fuel the fight.
Although my life has been somewhat turned upside down there is a good that can come out of this..wait good out of cancer? I think so I can honestly say it has certainly brought out a great warmth for helping others. My empathy and compassion seem to grow with the crisis. I think in the end our entire family will benefited from the stressful experience in many ways and above all will strengthen the family closeness. LOSING THE BATTLE IS NOT AN OPTION.

Kelsey......
I had just flown home from San Diego and was on my way down to Camp for the day. I heard mom ask B if his leg was okay today, as curious as I was I had to ask B what was going on. He said his leg was bothering him and he was going to Suhey to get it checked out. Okay, we are an active family we all have aches and pains from sports injuries, we push through them but a pain that is still there for awhile is worth checking out. No idea as to what was coming next.
70% chance cancer…. But 30% not. Cue the annoying Jeopardy music.
I was with Lindsay over at her place when she got a text from Brandon and Sam saying that the doctor called and it was Cancer. I jumped in the car and rushed over to their place to be with them. I just remember sitting there eyes full of tears not knowing what to say to my Brother. There was nothing I could say. I just knew deep down that it was going to be okay, but how do you say that?
Everything will be okay… But right now its not! Its scary and its okay to be scared but it CANCER. The most feared condition that you don’t want someone close to you to go through let alone your Brother. There were tons of tears, little sleep, no appetite, and the little things didn’t matter, I just wanted my brother to be okay. But what did it matter what I was feeling? What was my brother feeling? I think that was the hardest thing to try to comprehend and I probably never will. He was going to be going through the treatments, his life was being swept from under his feet. I just knew I had to just be strong for him.
The whole waiting game was the worst. When were the treatments starting? Did he need surgery? A ton of questions and it felt like a year to hear what the hell was happening.
When B left for his first treatment I wanted to be as strong as possible for him I didn’t want him to think we were scared for him. I failed at that, but I hugged him and told him I loved him and it was going to be okay.
The waiting was over B was getting treatment and going to Florida to “relax”. Even though this is one treatment and there were more to come, he was being taken care of.
As I look back to all the feeling and thoughts, Brandon’s life has changed but it’s a bump in the road and he is dealing with the cards he is being dealt. He has kicked every treatments ass. Even though I have not been there physically I have heard he is doing awesome.
My eyes and my families eyes were opened real wide and I think in the long run after Brandon beats this it will have made us stronger, especially Brandon and Sam.
My Little note to B:
You’re in my thoughts everyday B. You are an extremely loved person and I am so proud that I am your sister. Everyone is Park City is thinking of you and wishing you well.
March 28- Good luck in Surgery! Love and Miss You
"Believe deep down in your heart that you're destined to do great things." -JoePa
Had throw some JoePa advice to ya… He was apart of making the person you are today. A FIGHTER!!!